Say Thanks to your Self-Sabotage. It's showing the Way Out
Updated: Jul 20, 2020
I've very recently started coaching a Powerhouse of a Man.
Let's call him Josh.
Josh is one of the coolest and most inspiring men I know.
Always ready to take the next step.
The first to jump into the game, and boldly willing to play full out.
And, through his clear eyes, you can see the Universe.
Yet, a few days ago, I heard him saying:
I want to know why I self-sabotage. I'm always worried. I've been at the top in so many different things, and I've always fallen back to "I don't deserve". I don't want to be there anymore.
I see and I hear you, Josh.
I've been there oh so many freaking times in my life.
Almost every time that I pushed beyond my limits, I used to hear a voice saying:
Who do you think you are?
Where do you think you're going?
You're not enough, dude. Stop there.
Sometimes that voice is here in my head again.
Sometimes it's so subtle that I can hardly hear it, and it comes in the form of just a feeling. A freezing one.
Yet, over time, I've learnt to thank her.
Yes. Not to cope with her, but to thank her.
Let me explain.
Two ways Self-Sabotage is showing you the Way Out
Reason #1: Self-Sabotage is a Signpost
As Coach Rich Litvin recently shared, if you don't hear that voice, you're probably not playing big enough.
When you hear it, when you feel it, you're likely on the threshold from where you used to be, to your New You.
It's the baby who's coming to life.
And it hurts.
And it feels unfamiliar.
And you scream.
You come to life.
So, if it's there, it's a sign that you're playing big and getting ready for the next level.
Therefore, it's good news #1.
Thanks Self-Sabotage for showing me that.
Reason #2: Self-Sabotage is a sign that you're pushing too hard on yourself... and that it's time to let go
I used to repeat to myself the self-improvement motto:
"If it's gonna be, it's up to me"
You may say, repeating it gives you a sense of pride and determination.
And it does.
But it stops there.
Reality is much more complex.
It's a system of moving parts.
With our goals being moving targets as well.
As we take one step, things change, based on a gazillion other variables.
Yet, if you listen carefully, there's a feeling inside that there's a larger Plan.
A larger view.
A map that discloses itself as you take the next step.
Where all is asked to you is trusting the Process.
Trusting the map.
Trusting the larger Plan.
And yes, it's up to you willing to take the next step, and take it.
And yes, it's up to you listening to that feeling inside.
And yes, it's up to you adjusting your next step based on the map that discloses itself and that makes the Plan clearer and clearer.
And man, it comes so easy when you feel connected to a Mission that is larger than you.
When you put yourself at service of something bigger.
When you realise that... it's not about you.
That it's all about being of service.
That it's all about just doing your part.
That it's all about trusting that the Process will make the smartest use of your time and effort.
If you allow it to.
Next time, check inside.
Next time you say "If it's gonna be, it's up to me", check what happens to that "Inner GPS".
You'll see that connection immediately shutting off.
It's the "mind" that pretends to know better than the Plan.
And that gets angry and frustrated when it realises it doesn't.
And so, in the words of Michael Neill, "It's not up to you, but it's not not up to you"
So, when Self-Sabotage shows up next time, ask yourself:
Where am I pushing too hard?
Where am I not trusting the Process?
Where am I using my mind rather than tuning into that "inner GPS" who knows best?
And then just letting it be.
You’re riding the surf and choosing the next wave, but there’s an entire ocean taking care of the flow and keeping the current going. Enjoy your ride to the fullest. That’s it.
It's empowering, in your freedom of choice to follow that inner guidance.
Thanks Self-sabotage for showing up. The sooner you do, the sooner I can re-tune.
And Josh, that's good news #2.
Powerful Beyond Measure
I'd love to end this post with the inspired words of Marianne Williamson:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
– Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love
Where in your life can you relate to something like this? I’d love to hear.